My Poems

Published on March 3, 2004 By MidNiteLove In Misc

Okay here we go i love to write poems so i am going to make you people read them..thanks...this poem is not all taht great but i felt i should share it

Silence
As i walk through the mist
I slowly slit my wrist
Wanting to find an end
But also wanting to mend
Im not sure what follows me as i walk
But i know that if i turn around people will just mock
Ive been through so much crap
The pain, the sorrow, will will it end
But as i keep walking
I know there is now end
I will not turn back
I will not go back to the old old life
I will just keep on walking
And intill all the heartach
And pain spill out of me
It wont stop
And when it finally does
There will just be silence
Great, cheerful...
Silence

Comments

HughAhrdum

on Mar 03, 2004

Good poem, a couple of things about it.

1. "this poem is not all taht great but i felt i should share it" Introductions to poems are never a good idea, if the poem isn't good, let the reader figure it out for themselves, saying things like "its not good" can only bring other peoples opinions of what you did down.

2. You could use some imagery, imagery spices up a poem, there are a lot of lines in here that aren't very pleasing to the ear, instead of just saying what your doing, describe it with feeling, intensity, don't "slowly slit your wrist" instead "feel your serraded escape sink into your body as you're consumed by the bliss of forgetting." It doesn't have to sound anything like that, thats just something i randomly came up with.

3. What happened to the rhyme scheme? You started with a strong A B A B scheme but then it just faded away, was that on purpose?

Don't take any of this as saying your poem is bad, im not sure how long you've been writing poetry, but you obviously have a passion for it, i'm in love with poetry as well, and I am a junior in high school, i hope i've been a little bit helpful.

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